I feel I’m becoming so plugged in I’m becoming superficial. Everything is reactionary. Skimming the surface, taking it all in, responding… but never really fully embracing anything. Never fully absorbing anything. I went to watch the Stars first game of the season in a bar last night. And at the beginning of the game I was so distracted by following Twitter updates and comments and checking stats, that I was failing to watch large stretches of the game. I had to put my phone away. Leave it for later. I was so plugged in, so involved, that I was missing it. I’ve noticed this happens a lot.
We see only what we think we’re supposed to see. Everything happening around us, a myriad of lives playing out and movement and change and we only see what is blinkered in front of us. Tunnel vision, and I thought I was so open-minded! Ever feel that free will was only an afterthought? Oh sure, I can do whatever I want, but my wants are already determined by my experiences which are determined by how I see the world, which is determined by… I’m in charge, but I’m not really in charge. I couldn’t jump these tracks if I wanted to.
There’s a certain freedom in that. Choosing auto-pilot as a default state of being. No great highs, but no great lows either. Fatalist, accepting, whatever will be, will be.